It was March 2011. SPM results just came out. It wasn’t the best result. Well, not in my opinion though. =) At first I thought I did pretty well because I didn’t study for certain subject but I was still able to obtain a credit for it. I was excited for college and excited to pursue my dream of being a Psychologist. (The story of me deciding to be a Psychologist will be kept for another day.)
But I didn’t know that college would cost me a fortune! It cost at least 75THOUSAND RINGGIT to pursue a degree locally that’s not inclusive of food and lodging if your studying outstation. At that particular moment I was facing financial difficulty. I always take it for granted that education would always be made available to me and I should not worry about it. Considering studying from primary till secondary school didn’t cost much. I expect the least expected about going to college.
My mom told me to go for Form6, but I knew that going for Form 6 will not achieve my dream because I won’t be studying anything related to the field I’m interested in. I really wanted to give up at that moment. I felt abandon and lost. I was at the cross line of giving up and be a total bum to society or I could still make a difference in my life. I took the biggest leap of faith in my life when I go against my mother’s advice and decided to search and deepen my faith.
For 6 months I was involved with multiple church camp and activities from attending them until organising one. I guess the main reason I was involve so much with the church for this 6 months was because I wanted to discover God’s plan for me and to confirm if Psychology is the career choice for me. Considering the amount of advice I get from my family members and public about the job opportunities and income. I still knew deep down that I was making the right choice in my life so far. I do admit, in this time of trial, my life was not all sunshine and rainbow. I did question. ‘Why was I not able to go college?’ and ‘Life is unfair’.
But no matter how much I felt God has taken away from me, He will always be there for me. To comfort me, not in His physical presence but through His disciple/ followers. A very close and good friend of my comforted me when I was in tears thinking of my future. He said
But I didn’t know that college would cost me a fortune! It cost at least 75THOUSAND RINGGIT to pursue a degree locally that’s not inclusive of food and lodging if your studying outstation. At that particular moment I was facing financial difficulty. I always take it for granted that education would always be made available to me and I should not worry about it. Considering studying from primary till secondary school didn’t cost much. I expect the least expected about going to college.
My mom told me to go for Form6, but I knew that going for Form 6 will not achieve my dream because I won’t be studying anything related to the field I’m interested in. I really wanted to give up at that moment. I felt abandon and lost. I was at the cross line of giving up and be a total bum to society or I could still make a difference in my life. I took the biggest leap of faith in my life when I go against my mother’s advice and decided to search and deepen my faith.
For 6 months I was involved with multiple church camp and activities from attending them until organising one. I guess the main reason I was involve so much with the church for this 6 months was because I wanted to discover God’s plan for me and to confirm if Psychology is the career choice for me. Considering the amount of advice I get from my family members and public about the job opportunities and income. I still knew deep down that I was making the right choice in my life so far. I do admit, in this time of trial, my life was not all sunshine and rainbow. I did question. ‘Why was I not able to go college?’ and ‘Life is unfair’.
But no matter how much I felt God has taken away from me, He will always be there for me. To comfort me, not in His physical presence but through His disciple/ followers. A very close and good friend of my comforted me when I was in tears thinking of my future. He said
‘It’s now how fast you finish your degree, but how much you gain from it.’
‘When you go through difficulty, you’ll learn more. You’ll have more questions to ask.’
It might sound weird but these words inspired me to carry on and persevere. Psychology is not a subject you can merely study, but you need to experience certain difficulty to understand certain problem.
One day my brother called me and asked how I was feeling. He was actually trying to direct the question of me not being able to go to college. But he doesn’t know how to. =)
I remain calm and cool and said,
‘I’m just really disappointed. I feel that everyone deserve a chance to prove themselves. But unfortunately I wasn’t given that opportunity.’
He replied me with a story of his own difficulty trying to achieve his dream.
‘I wanted to study medicine, not because of the title I get or being glamourous. It was because I didn’t want to be like those doctors that made Papa died. I want to serve the poor and not only the rich because every human deserve equal treatment in terms of healthcare.’
‘I wanted to be a doctor but it’s just too expensive, I screwed up Form 6 and the government offered me marine biology. I was about to take the offer.’
Until Mummy stop me. ‘Saying that we have enough money for your first sem.’
He replied ‘What about the other sem? Where are we going to find the money’
My mom replied ‘Let’s cross the bridge and see what happens next.’
True enough, God never fail to provide the financial security when my brother needed it the most, and now he is a doctor in Sabah serving the indigenous community.
‘If it is really God’s will for you to be a Psychologist, do not worry. Because He will never abandon you with no direction in life. He has a plan for you.’
Honestly, in my heart I said,
‘Yea its easy for you to say so considering you’ve already archive your dream’
But I just took his advice and continued with my life. Until one fine day, my mom called me and said
‘Jameson, you can go college’
I was immediately filled with tears. That was the best sentence I’ve heard for the entire year of 2011. I was overjoyed and I cried.
Finally God answered my pray.
Finally now I’m in college. I’m not saying that college is easy, but I’m coping well with my studies even though I’m not the studious type. But I know how hard is it to live a life doing something that you’re not meant to do. I’m only given one chance, if I screw this up. That’s the end of my college life.
So to those who was not so satisfied or even fill like giving up on studying, let me tell you that. If you give up, you will be forever a loser, but if you peservere and give you’re very best. You will SUCCEED!
Don’t just dream, make it a reality.
Wondering if that dream of yours is the right one? You’ll just know. You can feel it and make sure you pray about it. I was praying about Psychology for about a year and finally I go the answer. =)
Don’t give up on your dream in pursuit of another person dream. In other words, don’t chase your parents, friends, or relative dreams. We all have our own dream. So chase after it. Opportunity only comes once in a life time. Don’t let it slip through your grasp.
Don’t give up on your dream in pursuit of another person dream. In other words, don’t chase your parents, friends, or relative dreams. We all have our own dream. So chase after it. Opportunity only comes once in a life time. Don’t let it slip through your grasp.
Everything will be perfect in His time. We might not see the bigger picture now, but He's the one who paints the picture. God knows whats best for your even though you might agree with it.
Lastly I would like to thank those people who kept encourage and support me throughtout my times of difficulty. Without you guys I don't think I would be able to be where I am now. Thank you and God bless <3
